The Brunch of Champions

They say breakfast is the most important part of the day. And to a young professional, the day is the most imporant part of the year. Therefore, in order to maximize every day, you need to maximize every meal. Thus, I am introducing the concept of the Brunch. As you will see, a Brunch combines the objectiveness of Lunch with the subjectiveness of Breakfast.

You see, young professionals have busy days. They rarely have time to eat both breakfast AND lunch. However, they must somehow find a way to both start the day off right with an early meal and have a sit-down mid-day networking oppurtunity. The Brunch, invented by high-acheiving young professionals in the mid-18th century Britain, combines these necessary components of a sky-rocketing career path.

There is some debate as to when the proper brunching time is. Some say it is around 10:15, before the McDonalds breakfast menu closes. Others swear that it is around 10:45, when the lunch menu is just getting started. I believe that is a combination of the both. You should arrive with your networking target around 10:15 and offer to buy the first round of Croissantwiches. A side of OJ is a sign of immaturity and weakness. You should procure two of the largest cups of coffee available (warning: stay away from the 'Free-trade' coffee, if possible. You don't want to make a political statement without even saying a word). Remember, when given the chance to drink coffee, drink as much as you can as fast as you can. Same goes for alcohol at a soiree and water at a water cooler. Young professionals often impress management-types with these feats of endurance.

Regardless of what time you choose to brunch (yes, it's a verb. Nearly anything is a verb in the hands of an aspiring young professional), it is key that you do not attempt to do work beforehand. The morning is for facial wraps and angry commuting. If a superior catches you working before properly brunched, it will show that you have a severe lack of priority.

By far the most important part of brunch is the conversation. Networks are built on strong, yet not overly opinionated words. You must show that you are well-rounded and you posess the ability to browse the newspaper during the aforementioned angry commute. Be careful to avoid saying anything of substance, as it may give you or your networking target an upset stomach. Yet you must cover as many topics as possible, maximizing your lung and jaw expenditures. Here is a fine example of brunch conversation: "That John McCain, senator from Arizona, sure does have a chance to compete in future primaries. Much like the Yankees will likely compete in future playoffs, if last night's episode of Nip/Tuck has anything to say about it." Clear, concise, professional.

So have a tater tot on me, young professionals. And remember: every breath you take is a promotion in the job of Life.

Jimmy 'Nums'