Profile of a Young Professional Hero: Pu Yi

Today, China is a place where Olympic competitions are held and pork is both sweet AND sour. It is a communist place, and therefore, I assume, a dreadful place where Russian guys drink lots of Vodka. But it wasn't long ago that the country was under the steadfast stewardship of a young professional, Emperor Pu Yi.



Born in 1906, the child showed early signs of immense potential. So much talent, in fact, that his uncle, the Emperor of China, decided to die so that Pu Yi could take over at the age of two. In order to ascend to the throne, though, he had to first impress some old hag called the Emperess Dowager Cixi. I'm not sure who that is, but with a name like Cixi, she was probably a dumpster slut (I know that you're thinking, "Jimmy, you shouldn't insult the Chinese royal family like that, you might get in trouble." But what you just missed was that I was, that's right, networking. You see, with the communists firmly in charge, I was just making some connections. There is nothing communist bureaucrats enjoy more than bashing the people they overthrew. For example, check out this young professional gem I found in a memoir published by a young professional in 1918: "When Lenin finally got rid of the Czar, I thought it best to go pay my respects. After we had finished talking, I got up to leave, but neglected to hear him invite me to brunch. 'Lord Thrustmore', Lenin cried, 'Why are you running off at this time?' To which I replied, 'I'm not running off, I'm Romanov!'" That is how you network!).

After he became emperor at age 2, he got to work initiating a series of reforms, such as learning to walk and use a toilet (but not at the same time). His reforms were popular among his constituents. They really couldn't be unpopular, however, as he was pretty much revered as a God. While some would say that clouded his judgment as a young professional, I say it only helped. Most young professionals (myself included) are forced to go through life imagining that they are a god. Pu Yi actually was a god. That's how all coworkers should view a man in our position. At least this guy's workforce acknowledged it and did away with the formalities.

A brief word on his workforce. They weren't the normal group of men, in that, they were eunuchs. Now, I by no means endorse the castration of all male subordinants in today's workplace. I'm just saying, HYPOTHETICALLY, that if I were in charge of a large organization and I had fears of my family being forcibly removed from power and replaced by another man who had dreams of starting his own dynasty, castrating all male employees would make sense. But, there are few HMO's that cover occupational removal of the testes, so however logical it may be, it's impractical in today's world.

A proud and powerful young man, he enjoyed the fruits of the flesh. I bet your asking yourself, "Well, I hope he didn't get married." Unfortunately, your fears would be realized as he did marry a woman at the age of 16. FORTUNATELY, he had the wisdom to marry two women at once. This demonstrates that there are always exceptions to the rules of being a young professional. For us non-gods, marriage is like a trap. The harder we pull away, the harder it pulls us in. Not for Pu Yi, however. By getting an extra pair of fingers in there, he turned a chinese finger trap into chinese finger... well, you get the idea. But don't worry, he still treated both of his wifes with the utmost professional disdain and lovelessness. His empress spiraled down into a deep pit of opium-fueled depression and died in a Japanese prison, while his other wife was a concubine that sought divorce from him in later years and was disowned by her descendants, who demoted her to a commoner.

Sadly, in a verse sung many times throughout the opera of human history, these great times did not last. Civil strife led to large scale revolts which led to Pu Yi being removed from power. He came back to power when he was installed as a puppet ruler under the Japanese. But that did not long and, before you know it, he faded into the background of communist China (In case you're talking to a chinese communist and someone mentions Pu Yi, just say "Pu Yi? P-U!" That should get some laughs).

His ascension to power at an extremely young age showed his impressive ability and innate understanding of what it took to be a young professional. There are many lessons to learn from this man, and I hope I imparted some of that knowledge to you.

Considering the above, I feel no need to further prove his young professional heritage. However, if doubters remain, I offer this last bit argument. His name was Pu Yi. In some asian dialects (as he probably spoke an asian language), I'm pretty sure that the last name comes first. Therefore, if you were to Americanize his name, it would be Yi Pu. I think you see where I'm going here, but if you don't, take a look at those initials, Y.P. They are the very same initials that follow the name of every polished, charming, thoroughly capable 20-something business person. That's right, Y.P. = Young Professional. Now if that ain't proof, I don't know what is. Boom!

Until next week, prioritize and professionalize.