Portable Internet, tie pins, and watercoolers

As I sit here today, in my blue dress shirt, charcoal pants, and tie with golfers on it, (Very important note. If you don't golf, learn.) reading the first part of my colleague's journey to the windy city, I am inspired to make a trip of my own. This thursday, Guts will be traveling to the capital city of American young professionals, yes, the capital city of America, Washington, D.C. This is the city where I learned the foundation of what would become a veritable skyscraper of knowledge of young professionalism and related fields. (related fields include but are not limited to; Sexual Exploration, Controlled Depravity, Networking 101, Interpretive Eastern Dance, Sexual Exploration, and Sociocultural Anthropology).

The journey has been planned for months and was only to be a short respite from what has become a maelstrom of young professionalism in the Steel City. However, I suppose I lost sight of what was really important and geared up for the adventure for all the wrong reasons. This isn't some weekend getaway at some mineral spa in the Adirondacks (I'm talking to you "professionals"), this is a dirty sexy opportunity for raw and unadulterated networking, shit-shooting, and firm-handshaking. After seeing "Nums"'s fistful of business cards (more to come on that subject in the future), I was envious. His jolly little face lit up and he unfolded them with the same skill and ease that a Vegas dealer possesses. They seemed to glow in his hands, and he hoarded them like they were made of gold (which they are, metaphorical gold). I wanted to touch, but he pulled them away, tucked them into his sporting attire and we moved on to get Chinese food. I tried to keep up with him but his gait was much too spry. I wanted that feeling again. So, now I'm ready, sparked by fortune, powered by young professional diesel, I journey to my old stomping grounds to make my mark (again). I will be back Sunday. And come Monday, after I've finished all of my work at some record pace, I'll let you know all about it. Here is the tentative itinerary.

Thursday:
5:00 a.m. Depart Pittsburgh --- 12:00 p.m. Arrive in DC
12:01 p.m.- make clandestine contact with chick and/or businessman in Union Station.
12:02- purchase bottle of maker's mark from in-station liquor store and secure in Attache case.
12:45-2:00 sit in on old college class and remind people of how potentially successful I am
2:00-5:00- frequent local happy hours and buy lots of "rounds"
5:01-7:00- dine on moderate-moderately high priced local fare
7:01-9:00- meet up with old schoolmates and "catch-up"
9:00-10:02- watch Lost
10:03-3:00 a.m.- indulge, or "build a solid networking base"

Friday:
8:00 a.m.-11:00 hit snooze button every 30 minutes
11:01- purchase keg, or "alternative water cooler"
11:02- purchase jager, or "backup plan"
11:03-1:00 pm- hit up a bistro or cafe, borrow a macchiato and converse with old friends and new opponents
1:01-3:00 pm- drive to and from Baltimore to pick up friend. Network in Baltimore.
3:01-7:00- happy hours, consistent networking and "networking"
7:01-?? free time. (note the ?? you never know when it's gonna stop)

Saturday: (there is no "time" on weekends)
Morning: defeat hangover by running a mile (while listening to ipod *set to funktronicka), chugging a busch light, and watching a hilarious Martin Lawrence flick (Martin lawrence flick subject to change).

-Get brunch

Afternoon: Network, sightsee/revisit those places most dear to me and fertile for networking or "plowing"

Night: Hit up Irish pub, establish European contact base, play darts, (young professionals LOVE darts and are, not surprisingly, fantastic darters) drink imported beer, and sing karaoke (extremely well)

Late Night: Strip club/hookah bar (make seedy underground/middle east contacts)

Sunday:

Morning: Relax- watch sports, grunt

Afternoon: depart DC, network on the way out

Evening: Arrive in Pitt, unfasten my peacoat, put my feet up, show Nums my business cards


It's shaping up to be a good time. Of course, this is only a tentative schedule and a rough one at that. These were just highlights. Until then, stay beautiful.